and ramblings on everything in between
In 1 Kings 3, God told King Solomon, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you,” and Solomon asked for a discerning heart to govern over his people. God decided to not only give him a wise and discerning heart, but also everything else he could ever want on earth. That man had a lot of stuff. But that’s not what I want to ramble about today.
What I’d like to focus on is the wish. If you had one wish from God, what would it be? I played the “say the first thing that comes to your mind” game and contentment is what came out. If I had that, then I could accept that where I’m at is where I need to be. There would be no searching for more, no wishing I was this or that. I know that asking for a family wouldn’t solve my problems. Neither would a larger salary or a new car or never having to work. My life wouldn’t be better if I was prettier or more charming or less of an introvert.
I can repeat it over and over until I’m blue in the face, but I still haven’t found contentment in or accepted it from Christ. I have more than enough. I have a job and a home. I have a loving church home and wonderful relationships with my parents and siblings. But I long for more. I long for adventure and an unconventional life.
I recently reconnected with a friend from college, and just like the first time we knew each other, we always find ourselves debating the purpose of our lives. I come at the conversation as a Christ follower and he comes at it as an atheist. We both feel a heavy weight on our shoulders to do big things, never settle, travel, and explore. We don’t want to believe in the mentality that you must work 9-5 until you’re 75 and then you must retire to your rocking chair. We want every moment of our lives to be filled with life.
During our last conversation, I shared with him that while I love where my life is at right now, I hope this isn’t it for the next 5, 10, 50 years. I told him some of the big things I want to do, places I want to see, and interests I want to explore…someday. I can feel that where I am is where God needs me to be right now, so those things will have to wait. “I have all these things I want for my life but even though I want them, I can hear God say no,” I shared with him. My friend doesn’t think that is any way to live.
He gave me a huge (metaphorical) slap in the face as he responded, “When I talk to other Christians about this, they tell me that the reason I feel so incomplete is because I don’t have God in my life. But you do have God in your life and you still don’t feel complete.” Ouch. Good point, my friend. Thanks for pointing out that I just did an awful job of witnessing right there.
I didn’t know what to say. I stammered off something like, “I know God should be enough, but becoming a Christian didn’t fix me. I’m still human.” Again, huge fail at witnessing.
At the root of this particular part of me that is still broken is the absence of contentment. I posted on this subject not that long ago, and I have a feeling it will come up again and again. It’s something I lack and something I will have to fight to find.
I didn’t want to blurt out a church answer for the sake of having a church answer, but it really was the first thing that came to mind. Now I challenge you to do the same. How would you respond if God stood before you and asked, “Child, what do you want me to give you?”