and ramblings on everything in between
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
let me walk upon the waters
wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior.
– Oceans (Where Feet May Fail), Hillsong United
This song stirs up a mini ocean inside of me every time I hear it. A powerful, powerful prayer that I want to be brave enough to pray.
I like to think I’m willing to live a big and bold and beautiful life for Christ, but this song stops me in my tracks.
Do I really mean it?
Am I really capable?
Will I really follow?
I want to be led to where I can no longer see, where I can no longer reach. I want to know what that feels like.
But I get in the way of me.
I get scared.
I get lazy.
I get selfish.
So my feet stop right at the cusp, where I can feel the water lapping against my calves, yet where I’m not even close to really diving in.
“Spirit, lead me…” I may whisper into the night, but my trust barely fills a small glass jar that I can hold in my hands.
“Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me…” I might ask, hopeful, but not if those waters lead me to lose a cherished loved one or give up on a dream or be childless the rest of my life. Oh, the borders I put on my trust…
“Take me deeper…” I can plead over and over again, but how can I when my answer to Him is always no?
Yet in the middle of my failure, the promise still stands true.
“I am yours, and you are mine,” He says to my every cry, my every apology, my every regret.
The limitless borders He puts on His faith in me. The countless hours He will wait patiently for me to take another step. The unbounded love He will forever give so I know that I can.
Because He is every bit of what I think I can’t be. And that is why I am His.