Life { Faith } Tea

and ramblings on everything in between

She Doesn’t Know What She’s Doing

I’ve been a student ministry leader for just shy of four years. You’d think by now I’d have a little confidence in myself, but I still feel as unqualified, as unprepared, and as ineffective as I did on day one.

Other leaders often remark that they have a deep passion for student ministry. I can’t say I share that deep love for it, but I keep showing up because the girls are fun and I know God wants me to. But when I don’t feel that passion for it, I start to doubt my abilities in it. I feel insecure and useless. I image the devil going around whispering in everyone’s ears, “She doesn’t know what she’s doing! She’s a fraud!”

This past weekend, I served as a leader for our annual MPact weekend student retreat. Two nights with nine sophomore girls in a host home led to lots of hysterical screaming, eating, laughing, joking, and intense foosball games. And in all the craziness and goofing around, we found time to talk about the importance of reading the Bible and how to be better at it. I had zero success getting the girls to care about the study on the Friday night, and that left me feeling defeated at the start of our long weekend together. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, I imagined the devil whispering to all of them.

But Saturday morning, I started my day in 1 Corinthians 15 before rejoining the girls downstairs. God, in all of His godliness, used these verses to speak to me:

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them – yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” { 1 Corinthians 15:10 }

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” { 1 Corinthians 15:58 }

Reading these verses reminded me that it’s not what I do, but what God’s grace and spirit does through me. And no matter how unworthy I feel of sharing His message with others, nothing done for Him is in vain. I can find rest in that.

Now, I’m so thankful I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so thankful  I feel unqualified because it means I constantly turn to God for wisdom. I’m so thankful that I feel unprepared for their questions because it forces me to constantly be in the Word to understand God’s ways better. And I’m so thankful that I feel ineffective because it’s further proof that it’s not me who is doing the doing – it’s all in God’s hands.

Throughout the course of the Bible, God didn’t use only superheros and Mother Teresas and Nelson Mandelas and Billy Grahams to accomplish His will. He used everyday, ordinary people like you and me who were willing to listen and willing to work.

I don’t know if I’ll ever proclaim with gusto that my passion lies in student ministry. But I trust He has me where I am for a reason. And, thankfully, I don’t have to know what I’m doing to be able to accomplish His will. He’s got me covered. And I can undoubtedly find rest in that.

 

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This entry was posted on March 5, 2015 by in Ministry, Serving and tagged , , , , .

What’s that she said?

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